Bynum, Artest, Phyliss and Flacco Make it a Whacko Sports Week in News

The sports world is going through some vanilla times right now.

Two leagues are locked out, the WNBA is on all-star break, and Frank McCourt is collecting bottles in the parking lot from belligerent tailgaters to make payroll for his last place team.

So instead of getting the latest on NFL and NBA free agency and how many yellow pages Adrian Peterson can rip per minute, we are relegated to the following news:

Andrew Bynum is still a badass. This time, in an undercover investigation by NBC4 news, the ruthless desperado was exposed for illegally parking in a handicap space at a seemingly empty Playa Del Ray Bristol Farms lot. Adding a flagrant insult to his lawlessness, he double-parked his BMW convertible! No word yet if he close lined the bag boy who insisted that a healthy Bynum didn’t need a carry out.

Ron Artest, errrrrrrr, Metta World Peace, is now a stand-up comedian. In a recent show, his routine included walking in on his parents having sex while he was only a kid, and proceeding by grabbing his father’s genitals. No word yet if this life-changing moment launched the tenacious career of the ball-hawking “Peace.”

Phyllis, the driest character from the hit show “The Office,” was once an NFL Cheerleader for the St. Louis Cardinals in the 1970s. No word yet if the franchise relocated in 1988 to shake her away, or if Bob Vance from Vance Refrigeration had anything to do with it.

Last month, Ravens quarterback Joe Flacco got hitched. So fittingly, with offseason activities cancelled, he ran plays for his wedding pictures, with a special someone under center. No word yet if Flacco has been running two-a-day two-minute drill and nailing uprights ever since.