Pompous Badge Declined

There are several landmark moments in people’s lives: the birth of their first child, successfully passing kidney stones, pre-approved American Express credit cards – and not neccessarily in that order.

I’ve had the pleasure of experiencing neither, but I could say I once got close.

Because today, I earned the important distinction of having the “oppurtunity” to apply for an AmEx Gold Card, to which I say shove it, because, even in snobby standards, that is an awfully narcisstical way of framing my passage into pomposity.

What’s next, being honored to pay $125 in annual fees while getting the numbers to all of Donald Trump’s ex girlfriends synced to my cell phone?

Nevertheless, congratulations are in order – or so my letter says. Here’s how I celebrated.