If you are an American and manage to live over 80-years old, you can get a signed certificate from the President commemorating the age-defying accomplishment.
You can really keep it O.G. by faxing your letter to (202) 395-1232, writing a letter via typewriter, or, for even more bonus points, cursive in quill.
Please note, crossword puzzles, split pea soup, complete M*A*S*H VHS box set and diapers are not included.
Attn: Greetings Office
The White House,
1600 Pennsylvania Avenue NW
Washington, DC 20500
To confirm that your letter was received, fire a flair gun, send a telegram on horseback, or call via rotary phone.