Official Statement from Manouk Akopyan


LOS ANGELES (September 16, 2011) – Last night, at approximately 10:52 p.m., Mr. Manouk Akopyan’s Yahoo! email account was hacked, sending out spam emails with links to salacious products.

“I’ve never believed in products that have promised to add or reduce six inches in five days. Simply put, that is a fallacy,” says Mr. Akopyan.

A cable-less Mr. Akopyan was in bed last night on September 15 watching a DVD of “The NBA’s 100 Greatest Plays.” Sadly, the DVD was dated 1999 and was very boring, causing Mr. Akopyan to fall asleep.

At 2:25 a.m., he received a text message from a co-worker. At 5:01, he received a text message from his brother. Others brought it to his attention on Facebook and through email. They all had the same underlining. “Where can I get some? And do you have a hook up?”

Continues Mr. Akopyan: “I would never send out such emails about weight loss, growing reproductive organs, helping with my shyness, or erectile dysfunction. This would have never happened had my DISH Network been installed yesterday, rather than Saturday. With decent programming, I would’ve been wide awake protecting myself from these technological terrorists,” says Mr. Akopyan.

Mr. Akopyan is not sure who hacked into his email account. He left voicemail messages with Time Warner and DirecTV, but they were not returned as of the release of this statement.

“I look forward to resolving this matter and prosecuting whoever hacked into my email account to the fullest extent of the law.”

Whoever has any information that can lead to the capture or arrest of these hackers, please leave all information in the comment box below.

Thank You.