Armenchik & Snoop Dogg “Hents Hima” Video

Did you ever imagine Uncle Snoop lighting up a spliff in his glitter gold leather jacket and pointy-tipped shoes, as Armenchik threw up W’s and autotuned over the “Doggystyle” album?

Great! Because I thought I was the only one! Now, all of our wildest dreams have become reality as the two have collaborated for the song “Hents Hima.”

In the video, we see a side of Armenchik that hasn’t been brought out before. He is playing with his Mickey Mouse stuffed animals, going Little Richard on the piano, downing caramel frappuccinos, and shadow boxing. As for Snoop, it surly looks like they paid him in weed for his troubles in the song. His incomprehensible “verse” further proves that, as he gets in touch with his poetic side and doesn’t sing a word. They might as well have had him on the track through a voice mail.

The song won’t be heard at any clubs in Long Beach, Watts and South Central anytime soon, but its now playing at the banquet hall nearest you. As a matter of fact, after a couple of 40s, I would even tip a DJ and have him spin the track – sans Snoop.

One red flag for me in the video that says the friendship between two is forged? As Armenchik is headed to Snoop’s studio, he steps into a liquor store and buys a Snapple. Pss, Uncle Snoop gets down on MGD 40s and Swishers. Even I knew that.

Producer Benny Blanko is the liason between the union. It’s not the first time these two have been brought together for a song. On Katt Williams “It’s Pimpin Pimpin” album, Armenchik can be heard on the chorus of the Blanko produced song “Mind Right,” featuring Snoop Dogg and Lil Wayne.

In honor of the Snoop Dogg and Armenchik union, I offer their studio time together to be used wisely my remixing some of Snoop’s classics:

1. Ridin’ in My Chevy –> Riding in my Beamer, Benz or Bentley
2. Gin & Juice –> Hemery and Gazoz
3. Still a G Thang –> Still a Rabiz Thang
4. Chronic Break –> Parliament Break
5. 20 Dollars to My Name –> Card Fraud
6. Stacey Adams –> Adidas
7. Hennessey and Buddah –> Grey Goose and Hookah
8. From Long Beach 2 Brick City –> From Yerevan to Hollywood
9. From the Chuuuch to da Palace –>From Arbat to Royal Palace
10. Bo$$ Playa –> Hugo Boss Playa
11. Batman & Robin –> Hayko & Mko
12. LAX –> Zvartnots
13. 1800 –> Patron Dash

America’s Worst Nightmare is About to Become True: The Heatles Will Win It All

If you were to draw a Venn Diagram for Kobe Bryant and LeBron James, you’ll quickly see how the comparisons between the two are unmistakable and apparent – and how it will only be adding in the coming month.

They are both considered to be the two most marketable players and faces of the league. They are both high school prodigies-turned league MVPs, All-Star Game MVPs, scoring champions, Olympic Gold medalists, and year in and year out, All-Defensive and All-Offensive First Team players – you get the point.

They’ve both overcome troubles off the court. Bryant was once loathed for his extramarital affairs. James was, and still is, reviled for his “Decision” last summer.

Now, in two weeks, they will meet in the middle once again as James will add the one accolade that has eluded him thus far in his eight-year career: “NBA Champion.”

As everyone criticized the Miami Heat the entire season, I slowly jumped off their back. After all, when grown men cry, as they did after that March 6th beat down from the Bulls, you tend to offer sympathy and not beat them over the head with a Gatorade bottle.

I once wrote “The formation of LeBroshAde is like Hugh Hefner’s bedroom, a lot of wasted talent,” and although still very true, the Heat accomplished in their first year what many said could not be done, and that was by reaching the Finals.

Let me say what a humbled LeBron James will not say. “I am bringing the championship trophy to South Beach.” Isn’t that what major sports is all about these days? To get your first major contract out of the way, then piggy back with other stars to win a championship…? The Boston Celtics showed how it’s done. As have the Detroit Pistons and pre-LeBron Heat in recent years. The Lakers tried to do it in 2003 with Karl Malone and Gary Payton, but then their bodies remembered they were better suited for sitting in suits. So why are we blaming the Heatles?

Over the course of the last two months, I’ve grown to like the Erik Spoelstra-coached Miami Heat and their newly formed demeanor, none more so than James, who is re-inventing his image faster than one of his trademark, chase-down “Swat City” highlights. He has become a defensive stalwart for a team that is 12-3 in the playoffs. Last I checked, you don’t need to make a game-winning shot if you’re preventing points on the other end of the court. Just ask Derrick Rose, Ray Allen, Paul Pierce, and Andre Iquadala – neither of which found any offensive rhythm this postseason.

The Celtics and Lakers were both convincingly trounced in the second round by this year’s respective Finals representatives – the Dallas Mavericks and the Miami Heat. That said, I have no opposition of the two teams playing for the Larry O’Brien trophy, starting tonight.

However, I am opposed to LeBron haters coming out in full force. Unless you live anywhere remotely close to Cleveland, you should be rooting for the Heat to win it all. At the very least, it is in the best interests of you, Lakers fans.

Narrow-minded basketball and Lakers fans forget that in 2007, another star and face of a franchise – Kobe Bryant – said that he would rather play on Pluto than remain with a cellar-dwelling, hapless franchise. His words: “I would like to be traded, yeah. Tough as it is to come to that conclusion there’s no other alternative, you know?”

This came one year after Bryant scored only one point and took just three shots in the second half of a 31-point loss in game 7 against the Phoenix Suns. When Kobe says such things, he’s proving a point to ownership that he needs help. With LeBron, he’s a quitter.

In Bryant’s unrestricted free agency year of 2004, he held the Lakers hostage by interviewing (and almost committing) with the Los Angeles Clippers and even speaking to representatives of the Chicago Bulls, Denver Nuggets and New York Knicks, going as far as looking into schooling accommodations for his daughters in other states. This all happened after the Lakers had traded Shaquille O’Neal, the presumable problem and roadblock for Bryant signing on the dotted line.

With Kobe, he was just testing the market, as any deft businessman would look to protect the best interests for he and his family. On the flipside with LeBron, he’s considered a traitor. Heck, even Derek Fisher mulled over a “compelling” offer from Pat Riley.

So why is the public so hard on LeBron? Wasn’t he the lovable man-child with the charismatic personality who once drew comparisons to the palpable Magic Johnson – who himself had off the court issues as well?

James is the reason for the Riley-formed Heat’s turnaround, which began the season 217 days ago with an ugly loss in Boston. At one point, they sported a spotty record of 9-8, before wheeling off 12 wins in a row. The December 2, 2010 “Return of the King” game against the Cleveland Cavaliers will always be remembered as the game in which the Heat became as one – a team. From there on out, they finished the season with a 49-16 record, ending with a very formidable 58 wins, third best in the league. It was one win better than the Lakers, a team never off cruise-control who cared to play whenever they felt like it – which in all cases was not often enough.

This will be the first championship of the LeBron-promised “not one…not two….not three…not four…not five…not six…not seven…” championships.

And, keep in mind, a championship for LeBron this year is better than any reviving cortisone shot Bryant will ever receive for the rest of his career.

His personal ring battle being cut down to four will bring rejuvenation never before seen to his 33-year embattled body.

The chance of winning a championship with Mike Brown – the coach that couldn’t lead LeBron for his in Cleveland – will further his drive for number six.

With six, we’ll be then drawing a Venn Diagram between Bryant and Michael Jordan, and ponder, LeBron who?

Blake Griffin’s Dunk Dictatorship

Blake Griffin is the Adolf Hitler of the NBA. Today, his dunk dictatorship campaign plowed through Poland and Suns center Marcin Gortat. The last time a Pole saw such an onslaught, Hitler was practicing the blitzkrieg set offense in Warsaw.

Earlier in the season, Griffin had his first shining moment over Russian center Timofey Mozgov. He’s even posterized South Korea’s most notable import, the Kia. With countless wounded Americans already on his personal hit list, the handful of active Frenchmen will be next to go from the Allied Powers.

As for today, unfortunately for Griffin, his dunk over Gortat was the greatest dunk that never counted as he was called for a charge – his sixth foul of the game – and had a technical foul to boot for his reaction after the whistle.

Gortat tweeted after the game, “Well nice dunk BG!!! Good charge MG!!:) smart play hold ur ground big fella-dont jump!!! Please put me on Sport center ESPN!!!” only to follow it up with “…… Still Dwight “freak” Howard is the best dunker in the league!!!!”

On ESPN’s Pardon the Interruption (PTI) last week, Magic center Dwight Howard said he was not impressed by Griffin’s championship-clinching dunk over the Kia at the All-Star Game in Los Angeles. He ended the interview saying that he just might have to make a comeback to the dunk contest next year.

(Image above from the

A Day that Will Live Forever – or in Infamy

The month of February has many landmark dates pivotal to United States history. Among them include birthdays of two of our most revered presidents – Abraham Lincoln on the 12th and George Washington on the 22nd.

We also have Presidents Day on the 21st, to sit back and honor such luminary greats as George W. Bush, and William Henry Harrison, who served all of four months before having the dubious honors of being the first president to die in office. The national day off from work can be commemorated in many ways, including going to Mount Rushmore, counting or watching Dead Presidents, making stupid jokes about “Colon Power” or going to Big Bear, which is what I did.

February also had Groundhog Day on the 2nd. February 3 was Chinese New Year. And a holiday as ridiculous as George Washington’s haircut, Valentine’s Day on the 14th.

And then, the granddaddy of them all, February 28 – the day was officially launched for the betterment of Mankind.

Let’s just hope the day doesn’t get lost like February 29, and that you visit more than every four years while appreciating my Lincolnesque honesty.

15 Reasons to Delete Facebook

I’d like to take this space and offer a public service announcement to unstable Facebook users. One day, we have you as a friend, the other day it’s like, poof! and you’re deactivated!

So, here are 15 reasons on when it is OKAY to delete your Facebook, even for 30 seconds.

1. You are strapped for time due to work or school, and need to eliminate all distractions.

2. You just realized you sent a private message suggesting inappropriate advances to a minor.

3. Nobody clicked “LIKE” on your previous post.

4. You are less than five minutes from the Navy Seals breaking through your front door for sending said messages.

5. You are going to the bathroom.

6. Your house got robbed after you wrote “Can’t wait for my week-long trip in Cabo! Hasta luego Muchachos.”

7. Your parents just friend requested you.

8. You’re continually being harassed from your fourth grade science teacher who never understood the concept of the word “No.”

9. You were tagged in salacious pictures from your week-long trip in Cabo, belligerently posing with a group of 50-somethings.

10. You are going back to MySpace.

11. You’ve sent over 250 friend requests in three days to everyone you’ve shared a glance with, and only two have responded back, with one saying – “I’ve never met you before, but you sure look creepy.”

12. Your friends see in their newsfeed that you are now liking fan pages “Kim Kardashian Lovers” “Kim Kardashian Sextape” and Kim Kardashian Bootyism.”

13. The red flags begin to mirror your character flaws, not for notifications.

14. You watched the Social Network, and thought a movie on Twitter would’ve been more riveting.

15. You won the lottery.